SWEET NOVEMBER

I had a great November..even he is not mine anymore. Happy sangat dapat spent time dengan you, Mr. Z. I akan sentiasa ingat memori kita malam tu. Bruce Lee, My Brother, movie yang menarik dan yang penting sekali I dapat rasa kucupan kat dahi I bila you hantar I balik rumah. Thanks alot Mr. Z...I wonder, sampai bila I akan rasa macam ni? Satu hari nanti you akan tinggalkan I jugak..macam mana I nak lalui hari-hari tu?

28/11/2010....I MISS U

DARLING I WISH U WERE HERE

Everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

Why is this feeling come again? Gosh I can't take it anymore.. How are you back there? Hope you are doing great. Sorry if I interrupting you with this new post. You told me that you wont read this blog but I know one day you will. I miss you as usual and I really hope that you are okay with your life. For me, I will keep our love wherever I go no matter what.. Take care Mr.Z. Love you always.XOXO....

Missing You Badly...

I must admit that I have to let him go. It just sometimes I wonder how am I suppose to live without him. Mr. Z you ingat tak dulu I selalu cakap I can't live without you? I tak pernah tipu..I memang tak boleh hidup tanpa you. I'm at Nenek's balcony right now. Ingat tak kita selalu lepak kat sini malam-malam. Nenek misses you too, you know..I'm hugging your shirt now.. Terasa macam you ada kat sebelah I sekarang. You mesti baru balik kerja and penat sangat. Get your enough rest okay. Terlalu banyak kenangan kita bersama kat mana pun I berada. I baru je buat your fav drink, Dragon fruit Yogurt. I guess I have to accept this. I sendiri yang rosakkan relationship kita. Ada dengar lagu baru Faizal Tahir? I baru terdengar tadi.. The lyrics remind me of you..it goes like:
Maafkanlah ku tak bisa hidup tanpa kamu
Fahamilah ku tak mampu terus tanpa kamu
Bagaimana ku nanti
Bila tiada mengganti
Yang ku ada hanya kamu saja Saat mata terpejam
Hanya kau ku terbayang
Menghapus semua segala rasa di jiwaku
Saat mata terbuka
Kamulah yang pertama
Tak mampu aku
Bayangkan
Hidup tanpa dirimu...

Gosh I miss you so much.. It hurts much more when the part of the lyrics goes:
Dan memang selalu
Aku bersalah
Selalu saja mengabaikan mu
Meninggalkan mu
Dan tetapi itulah aku sedari
Segala perit yang kau lalui
Kerna diriku yang terus hanyut

DON'T LEAVE ME~

BACK ON TRACK~

You'll always be a part of me,
I'm a part of you indefinitely,
Boy, don't you know you can't escape me?
Ooh, darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby,
And we'll linger on,
Time can't erase a feeling this strong,
No way, you're never gonna shake me,
Ooh, darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby..

It's been awhile since i posted my last post. Too busy with works and this miserable fever..not forgetting the lung and throat problem! Guess what?? He did contacted me yesterday...YEAHOOO~ Do you know how much it means to me Mr. Z? Thank you so much..5 days without your voice is suffering.. For all the thing I've done to you, you are still care about me. May Allah repay your kindness. Well, can't type much longer. My head is spinning. I need to lay down for awhile. Take care Mr. Z..

ALWAYS BE MY HUBBY~

Just Another Day..

Today is the longest day ever...no call from him and he did not answer my call. I guess he really moving on right now..Its okay I don't want to be a burden anymore. But my life is quite empty without his voice..Currently listening to 'Your Call' by Secondhand Serenade and sigh, I'm waiting for his call and yessssss, I am DESPERATE! What should I do Mr. Z? Have I ever crossed your mind? Just wanna say I miss you..Hope you are doing great back there. Do take care..XOXO

STILL WAITING~

SPANISH GUITAR~

Jiran rumah atas ni main gitar sambil menyanyi lagi...hurm, lagu 'Unchained Melody' by Elvis. Lagu ni Mr. Z pernah nyanyikn utk aku. Gosh I miss his sweet voice and his guitar plucking..Kalau la dapat aku putar balik masa, aku akan suruh dia nyanyi tanpa henti. Tak ada lagi tawa halus bila aku cium bahunya tatkala dia memainkan gitarnya. Aku cuba tahan diri dari menelefon atau mesej dia hari ni..Dia mintak jangan kacau dia lagi. Tapi jam 5.20pm tadi dia mesej aku..Did he miss me like I miss him? Hanya dia yang tahu jawapannya. Banyaknya assignment. Biasanya sebelum buat assignment aku akan call dia dulu utk dapatkan mood belajar. Sumber inspirasi la katakan...Tapi suma dah berlalu. Aku kena terima kerna segalanya berpunca dari kesalahan aku sndiri. I GUESS I NEED YOU~

No Hope?

Dah tak de harapan lagi ke..maafkan I yea call n ganggu you tadi. I just miss you so much. I tau I dah tak layak terima cinta you and you deserves a better girl. Cuma kadang kala I termangu, memikirkan kenapa I buat you mcm nie..I sayang you sangat2 tapi sanggup sakitkan you semata-mata nak perhatian dari you. Menangis air mata darah sekalipun tak dapat nak kembalikan you. I doakan you akan jalani hidup seterusnya dengan tenang dan bahagia..2 tahun yang lalu tu you lupakan je la. Tapi izinkan I simpan memori kita bersama k. Tapi kalau Allah kata jodoh kita ada, tolongla jangan menolak..I hanya manusia biasa. Kadang i kuat seteguh karang..kadang i lemah liar melara..Cinta yang kuat juga akan terkeliru jika terumbang ambing..STILL LOVING YOU~

What A Feeling

RASA-AZHARINA

Sejuta rasa sukar untuk ku mengertikan
Menghimpit di hati meresahkan fikiran
Aku sememangnya insan tiada daya
Untuk memutar masa menebus segala

Mengapa kini terjadi diakhir waktu                                       
Kala percintaan kita menuju gerbang
Berkali ku memujuk berkali ku rayu
Teguh pendirian sukar digoyah

Ku tangisi khilafnya diri
Sungguh aku bukan insan sempurna
Ku akui sakitnya hati
Menyakiti hatimu berulang kali
Penyesalan kini tiada berguna

Ku melangkah dengan sejuta rasa
Rasa yang hanya ku seorang tahu                                        
Semoga pengajaran bererti ini
Bisa membuatkan diri dan hatiku
Merenung hikmah disebaliknya

Walaupun jauh disudut hati
Ingin kembali bersamamu
Berkongsi waktu
Namun ku serahkan pada Ilahi
Menentukan semua akan berlaku

THIS SONG DESCRIBES WHAT I FEEL~ 

Will Fate Reunite Us Together??

Ingat tak favourite movie kita? All The Twilight Saga..I hope next Twilight kita tengok sama2 lagi. I just watched the Twilight Dvd that you gave me for hundreds times. I still remember you told me that I am your favourite drugs. Maybe that was then. But for me, you will always be my Edward Cullen..Jacob came and try to steal Bella's heart away but the one and only in her heart is the cold blooded vampire..

YOU ARE THE ONLY EXCEPTION~

I Miss You..

Tiba-tiba rasa nak tulis dalam Bahasa Melayu. Rindunya aku pada Mr.Z. He just called me and asked how is my fever going. He still cares. Is he still love me after all that I've done? He must be an angel! Too bad I never appreciate his love. He was attending an interview this morning..Hopefully he's doing well. Good luck, Mr.Z..I know you can do it. Tadi aku rasa sakit sangat badan. Dahla demam,gatal2 pulak tu. Takut denggi je nie..Tapi lepas dgr suara dia, aku rasa bertenaga! Walaupun dia tak akan terima aku semula. Aku akan tetap mencintai dia dari jauh. Bila orang nampak dia dan bertanya,"Who's that guy?" Aku akan tersenyum sambil menjawab,"That is Z**m Z****r, the guy of my heart." Mungkin juga one day aku akan ada teman hidup, tapi tak mungkin dapat menggantikan dia. Kerana dia adalah yang terbaik..

Good Morning

I woke up this morning wishing for a miracle. However I tab my left side shoulder and told myself that,"You crushed his heart and there is no way you can get him back." My heart and my mind did not accept what I told them to do..How could I fall for a guy for only three days? Just because that guy is his best friend?!! I never know him before this but I went head over heels with his words!! Mr.Z, I don't deserve your love at all. Go and get yourself a better girl. All I can do is pray for your happiness.

 WE WAS MAGIC..BUT I'VE RUINED IT ALL

Thanks For Still Answering My Call

I never thought that you will answer my call after what I did to you. I always know how deep is your love but the problem is me. On the phone you still care and concern about me.. I'm just a fool. Do you remember when we are in love? You used to call me and sing to me while playing the guitar. Your voice was amazing. I know you hate me so much but this is not a sweet talk. I just call to say I love you and I miss you. It doesn't really matter now if you listen to the 2 words anyway..It driving me crazy thinking that I will never be your princess anymore. I did dedicated a song to you 'Sampai Syurga' by Faizal Tahir. Everything that written in the lyrics are for you and I really mean it! Maybe I will fine another love but it is not the same and you will never be replaced.

 Ku membenarkan jiwaku

Untuk mencintaimu
Ku persembahkan hidupku
Untuk bersama kamu

Dan diriku untuk kamu
Belum pernah kumerasai begitu

Semua itu telah berlalu
Harapanku palsu
Dan mungkin hari yang satu
Terus ku tertunggu

Di hatiku masih kamu
Belum pernah ku ingin terus memburu

Aku lemah tanpa kamu
Ku inginmu dampingi ku
Aku fahami aku bukan terbaik
Untuk dirimu

Namun aku tetap aku
Yang terbaik untuk diriku
Hanya satu
Hanya kamu

Ku membiarkan hatiku
Untuk merinduimu
Ku menghamparkan sakitku
Untuk tatapan kamu

Bersamamu harapanku
Hilang dalam terang yang membutakanku

Aku lemah tanpa kamu
Ku inginmu dampingi ku
Aku fahami aku bukan terbaik
Untuk dirimu

Sampai syurga ku menunggu
Sampai syurga ku cintamu
Hanya kamu

Dan segala yang ku ada
Ku berikan semua
Untuk dirimu saja

Ku mahu dirimu
Bahagia untuk selamanya
Biar sampai syurga
Aku menunggu cinta darimu
Agar ku sempurna

Aku fahami aku bukan terbaik
Untuk dirimu
Namun aku tetap aku
Yang terbaik tuk diriku

Hanya satu

Aku lemah tanpa kamu
Ku inginmu dampingi ku
Aku fahami aku bukan terbaik
Untuk dirimu

Sampai syurga ku menunggu
Sampai syurga ku cintamu
Hanya kamu

I Screwed Up..as usual

I lost another opportunity today. I was hoping he could be mine again but too bad.. I screwed up again. I love him more than I love myself but why am I doing this to him? Forgive me Mr.Z, I will never be your princess. I've ruined our perfect, amazing relationship. I still can feel your warm breath on my skin, I still can smell the sense of your perfume, your sweet gentle touch and your lovely voice. You are the best I ever had. While I was looking at our pictures together, I heard my neighbour singing 'Tercipta Untukku' song by Ungu. Remember the date that we came together? Yes..21 of September 2008. You sang this song to me, hoping that I am the one for you. But  I guess I am just another girl who knocked your love down. I do love you but I cheated on you 3 times..I guess there is no more forgiveness or chances for me. 

Menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu
Membuat ku terdiam dan terpaku
Mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah
Saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku

Banyak kata
Yang tak mampu kuungkapkan
Kepada dirimu

Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Sepanjang hidupku

Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Meski waktu akan mampu
Memanggil seluruh ragaku
Ku ingin kau tau
Kuslalu milikmu
Yang mencintaimu
Sepanjang hidupku